have u ever felt how it was when u can't smile,but u have to smile?
this thing does happend to me at my school
recently,there's something that make me cant smile and laugh same just like my usuall self
it was all made up nowadays,it's because i dont want anyone see me like "eh,kim beeing emo",or etc or whatever
its not like that im afraid of what people will think of me,no im not
its just that,if they know i have problem,and know what's my problem,things gonna be like,"kecoh?"
but yeah,i admit it,deep down myself,i more prefere if i can share my problem to my friend
but im not the type of person will say like "hey,i got problem,come listen to me",or anything like that,so in this case,it make me take all my problem kept by myself(mostly,except some that i share it with close friend)
even if im going to share it,i will only use like,"bahasa kiasan",or etc
but,in this case,i dont think this thing should be like "diperbesar2kan",i can handle it
so yeah,there u go,i have to act just like im ok as usuall,and yeah,no one suspicious anything
even afiq,helmi,and johan does not suspicious anything
oh,talk about them,last monday,as usuall i go to school
then,i look at afiq,keep singing some broken song from "hujan,uncle hussein,etc" to johan
and that time,i was sitting infront of them,whenever afiq sing it,johan face become red,and then yeah,there he go,he go walk to another place(seems like he doesnt want to listen to afiq song)
then,i ask afiq,"asal dgn dia?"
afiq told me that,johan just broke up with his girlfriend
and then i was just like "..ohh"
at first,i thought it was the old story,but i feel it just weird,something like
"x kan psl tu,benda tu da lama"
but after hear some from afiq,then i know the truth,johan just brake up with his girlfriend
usually,at this time,if i know their problem,i will usually go to them to cheer them up,and said"wei relaks la,bawak bertenang,jgn emo ler"and etc etc
but now,i just cant=.=
yeah,what kind of useless friend i am
i know by time he will ok,just that,as a friend,at least u must say something right?
whatever2
and then,after for sometime,afiq said to me"ape la,psl ppuan pn nak nangis,tgk ako,klau putus x de ape2 pn,sbb etc etc" and BAM!!!yeah,it hit direct to me
i just pretend nothing,or more accurate,force laugh,ketawa paksa
well,that's how i start my school day after that incident=.=
after that it just a normal thing happend at class,teacher come in,teach,and then step out from class,another teacher come in,and so on
my problem does not effect my studies though,i learn 2-3 things in past mistake,where i was like,waste 1 week or so
whenever i felt like emo or something,i told my self "SNAP out of it!!" or do something to snap out from thinking to much,well u can say that,keep my self buzy so i wont thinking too much(most usuall thing i do is,bring some exercise/text book to friend place,sit down,and then do the exercise togather,and of course,with some chit chat while doing the exercise)
well,im the one who ask first,so i must bear it
there's no reason for me to like "i need sometime(1week the least)to cool down"
i must remember,before i ask that question last sunday,what did i tell my self?and what is my physical and mental preparation before ask?
soo,i must bear it,it was hard,but i will overcome it,insyaallah
i dont blame anyone or anything for what happend
it my fault too,for being "too slow" take action
this because,i was thinking,maybe,i should take action after SPM,because,i dont want to make things more complicated(i dont dare to take such risk too if it's not how is it the way i wanted)
but after some time,things change,and i think,it become complicated
i dont want to lose,so i think,"if i dont start take action now,then there's no more after SPM"
so thats where,i was like,what was it call again,im not sure the word,but it was something like,flirt?nono,i think thats not the word=.=
something like,erm,how to say this,i start to praise(puji),do some sweet jokes,or etc(ahh,pendek kata,somehting like "usha"=.= alright,thats not how it was,but do anything u want to say,i cant find any accurate word=.=)
but,its already too late when i know it
but its ok,i can accept it
things cant be force even how much hard u want it want to be
and everything happend have some good things too
"setiap benda berlaku ada kelebihannya"
yes,i really believe in that
i dont mind what or what anyone want to say,but i have my solid base to believe in that
soo,i have to bear all the pain im having now
and i have a bad feelings that,if im continue going like "emo" or something
something bad will happend
it was more like,someone will have the effect too,i dont know,that just my feelings or thought,something not right if i keep going like this
in this case,i should have been ok now(even if im not,i should pretend that im ok,i dont like to make other people worried or involve other people in my problem)
thats my conclusion,erm,anything more is,let me just kept in myself
and im sorry for anything,if im causing anything to any of u readers
(ahh,sakit mata warna yang pakai ni=.=)
this is my cat,"ChiChi"cute right?or cool,heheh
